Relationship Deal Breakers

The Ultimate Guide to Relationship Deal Breakers (from my friends’ and I’s POV)

1. He lives at home. With his parents. Enough said.

2. The only artwork that hangs on his walls are posters. Specifically we’re talking about the cliché scar face posters or the bikini clad bombshell above his bed. What is he? Stuck in college?

3. He hides things from you. This should be obvious but seeing as trust is the foundation of any relationship, you don’t want to be stuck with a guy who hides things from you! For example, if he has a password code on his phone and refuses to give it to you, this might be a red flag.

4. He posts shirtless selfies on Instagram. This guy either has low self-esteem and desperately needs approval. In which case, no matter how much attention you give him, it will never be enough. Or he’s way too into himself. Probably more into himself than he is into you.

5. His kitchen staples are frozen dinners, canned food, and ramon noodles. This guy has some growing up to do. Or he’s just flat out broke.

6. He talks to his mom everyday. We love a guy who is close to his mom. This means he likely respects women and knows how to treat a lady. But if his mom knows more about your relationship with him than his own friends? He might have a mama complex…In other words, it’s fine when he’s a boy but when that boy becomes a man and his mother still rules his life, it’s a problem.

7. He has an ex girlfriend’s name tattoed on him. Come on, people! Tattoos are for life! Unless his ex girlfriend’s name is Mary and he plans on inking Virgin Mother in front of it, you don’t want to have to see her name every day on your man’s chest.

8. He expects you to cook and clean for him. This is 2014 people, it’s not 1956! You are not his maid.

9. He doesn’t have friends of his own. This is a huge deal breaker! If you and your friends are his only social outlet- run. It’s going to become a codependent relationship fast. Besides, what’s wrong with him that he can’t sustain any friendships? Don’t wait around to find out the answer.

10. He can’t fend for himself in social situations. This is related to number 9 in that this guy is likely a codependent. When you take him out to parties, you don’t want to have to baby sit him! He shouldn’t be clinging to your side the entire time.

How to Say “I Love You” in 10 different languages

I Love You in Ten Different Languages. Because Valentine’s day is right around the corner and well…saying “I love you” to someone you truly love never gets old… Enjoy 🙂

1. Spanish: Te quiero.

2. French: Je t’aime.

3. Russian: Ya tebya lyublyu

4. German: Ich liebe dich.

5. Japanese: Ai shiteru.

6. Chinese: wǒ ài nǐ

7. Icelandic: Ég elska þig.

8. Arabic: ana ah-hib ich (to a female)

ana ah-hib ek (to a male)

9. Hawaiian: Aloha Au Ia ‘Oe

10. Swahili: Nina kupenda

10 Truths I Wish I Knew Sooner

 

10 Truths I Wish I Knew Sooner

  1. Life is not about you. This is the greatest lie that people contend with today. Most of us are egotistical and self-absorbed, but it’s nonetheless true that life comes to a point when you realize (hopefully) that life isn’t about you. It’s about your relationships and the people with whom you share them. The purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself.
  2. Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle.
  3. It’s okay not to be okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Let your story unfold as it should; disappointment, grief, anxiety and all… in this beautiful, tragic, awful, and adventurous life.
  4. Most of life is out of your control. So stop trying to control everything. Your power lies in your choices but you need to work on having faith in the little things. There is a difference in taking control of your life by pursuing things that interest you and learning when to let go and allow life to unfold for you as it should. Let things be. Let yourself be. Except everything as it is. Nothing more and nothing less.
  5. Hard work beats talent any day, when talent refuses to work hard. Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God. Don’t let your gift go to waste or keep it all safe and wrapped up for yourself. That’s not only an injustice to yourself but also to the rest of the world and even to God! Talents and gifts are meant to be shared.
  6. Ask for what you want. Didn’t your mother ever tell you if you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it? When you step out and speak about what you want, the world hears you, and the universe responds.
  7. A good laugh and a long nap are the two best cures for any problem. Or as a kid once told me,  “Sometimes you just gotta take a nap and get over it.”
  8.  Life becomes a lot easier when you learn to accept apologies you haven’t gotten. Folks, people are going to disappoint you and hurt your feelings. And some of these people will never feel bad about it. They might never even acknowledge it. You have to learn to forgive people even if you think they don’t deserve it. Forgiving someone does not say that what that person did was OK. It simply means you are no longer going to allow it to hold you hostage. Forgiveness heals you. 
  9.  Care about what people think and you will always be their prisoner. The opinions of other people won’t define you unless you let them. There is nothing that anyone can say that will change who you are, unless you take it to heart and let it. So take people’s opinions for what they are- opinions. And don’t waste your time dwelling on them.
  10. It’s a poor idea to lie to oneself. To lie to ourselves in the name of comfort is the ultimate mistake. Life decisions not based on reality are bound to be faulty. Be honest with yourself. 

 

Love, Commitment, and Other Relationship Issues

It’s well known that love finds you when you’re not looking for it. But did you know that if you go looking for love, more than likely, you’re not ready for it? Love finds you, not the other way around.

Similarly, commitment finds you when you’re not ready for it. Truth is, you’re not ready for commitment now nor will you ever be. Do you really think that our independent, self-absorbed, 21rst century selves are ever ready to commit selflessly to another?! Of course not!

But that’s why love finds you first. And suddenly, it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re ready for commitment because  commitment is no longer about you. It’s about the other. You commit not for yourself, but for the one you love.

How To Love – Why Men Love Bitches and Beyond

Ever wonder why we care most about the people who care least about us? Or why do we do wrong to those who love us, while trying to get love from those who do us wrong? I explore these observations and more by referencing Sherry Argov’s book “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship”.

Self Improvement Sunday – Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

A reading of “The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto” by Dr. Brene Brown from her book Daring Greatly as seen on OWN.

The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto
Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and loveable.

You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.

You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.

I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsunday/blogs/Dr-Bren233-Brown-The-Wholehearted-Parenting-Manifesto#ixzz2qD6yaWwD

Assignment for Today: Allow Yourself to be Startled by Life

Control, which is only an illusion, is over rated. Life has much better ideas for us than we could ever imagine for ourselves.

Trust Your Struggle.

Trust Your Journey.

Assignment for today: Allow yourself to be startled by life.

Why Lying Hurts the Liar

When you lie to someone you love, even about something seemingly insignificant, each lie is like a brick in a wall going up between the two of you. And when he tells you he loves you, the wall deflects it away…

The Greatest Gift

The ultimate present is presence. Not just physical presence but presence of mind, heart, and spirit. When you give of your time, you can’t get it back. Therefore, your presence is the greatest gift you can offer another.

presence2

A Personal Bad Habit in Relationships:

Believing every man is capable of fulfilling his highest potential while ignoring the reality that his behavior says the exact opposite. It’s like Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time.” Not everyone is emotionally capable of achieving their highest potential. Furthermore, not everyone wants to achieve their highest potential. Some people are perfectly content with where they are. I’m learning this.