Before God Can Use Us, He Must First Break Us

Before God can use a man greatly, He has to hurt him deeply. God is at work in your disappointment and pain- teaching you a lesson of complete dependence on Him. He may cut you down and remove all the strength you have as a way to prepare you to be used by Him. Remember this during times of trial, and be grateful. The greater the need in your life, the greater God’s glory and provision.

A Poem: “Your Love is Mean”

Your love is mean

Your love is mean

But you mean so much to me

How can it be?

Your lies, deceit

Your love is mean.

Can’t you see

just what I mean?

Why it’s your love I don’t need

Still you remain inside of me

Your love is mean.

Night

Night is the time when we’re alone, isolated in our bed, away from distractions and forced to confront our pain. I used to fear the night. I dreaded falling asleep, while needing rest more than ever before. In the quiet dark, the pain I spent all day running from, would sit right down on the edge of my own bed, like a familiar stranger, just staring at me. I hid from it any way I could; sleeping aids, prescription meds, exhaustion, alcohol… But no matter how great my hiding place, or how long I hid, the pain was relentless. It wouldn’t leave. Night after night, there it sat on my bed. Waiting for me. What does it want from me?!

Eventually, I learned to stare back. I began to even look forward to the night, when I could lie with that familiar stranger, face to face. Today, although the pain remains, its power is weakened. Finally, I am able to look it in the eyes and say, “I’m not scared of you anymore. I am grateful for you.”

A Time for Healing

There will come a time when you’ll see clearly again; tears will no longer blur your eyes and love will no longer break your heart. Trust in this.

Broken Hearts

It’s a good sign, having a broken heart.. It means we’ve tried for something.

Stubborn Love

“It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all. The opposite of love’s indifference.”

My absolute favorite line from The Lumineers’ song, “Stubborn Love.” So thoughtful and true! Love them.

The-Lumineers-shot1

I’ve seen a baby cry, and then seconds later she laughed. The beauty of life: the pain never lasts. 

June 11, 2013. A Year Looking Back.

Hard to believe today marks a year. A year of pain, longing and questions but also a year of healing, growth and indescribable grace. I question whether we can fully comprehend the sweetness of life without first experiencing its bitterness. Today, as I miss my best friend like always, all I can think is what an incredibly sweet gift it was to do life with him. I treasure every memory.

 “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”

Corrie ten Boom