A Woman being pursued is most beautiful

Have you ever noticed how a woman is most beautiful when she’s being pursued? When she’s falling in love…

This is because that’s when a woman’s most important questions are being answered. At the core of every woman are the questions of, “Am I beautiful? Am I captivating? Am I worth fighting for?”

When a woman is being pursued, she lights up from inside because her questions are being answered. Yes, you are beautiful, captivating, and worth fighting for!

Think of Toula in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. When Ian finds her and begins to romance her, she comes alive. There’s a new shimmer in her eyes and her beauty begins to radiates from within.

Contrastingly, when a woman feels unloved and not worth pursuing, her inner light dims. She goes about her days hiding her innate beauty, believing that she’s not beautiful or worth it.

What if we could have this glow that comes from our most important questions being answered, regardless of our circumstances?

We can.

In fact, as women, we’re supposed to.

We were designed to be beautiful, radiating, captivating, and worth pursuing.

And guess what? The God of angel’s armies is totally and completely in love with us. He’s pursuing us everyday. He thinks we’re captivating, beautiful and worth fighting for.

The Creator of the universe has already answered all of our most important questions!

If we can truly understand and internalize this truth, then we become free to share our beauty with the world and our inner radiance will never go dull again.

Women of the world, we’re beautiful.

 

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Why You Shouldn’t Lose Yourself in a Relationship

losing Yourself
What’s up with this idea of losing yourself in a relationship somehow being romantic?

We hear it in song lyrics, see it on television shows, and even read about it in magazines and on dating websites. For some reason, the idea is romanticized, but this really bothers me.

I mean, I understand how it happens… You get so comfortable with another person, feel so safe with them, it can be consuming. I get it.

Sometimes, even, we can become so concerned with the other person that we forget about ourselves. And as a result, we stop voicing our opinions, become excessively agreeable, and ultimately, as a person, we disappear.

But that’s not romantic. That’s lazy.

We have to keep in mind that our partner initially chose us because of who we are, what we bring to the table, and how we add to the relationship/his or her life.

The bottom line is that a relationship takes two people and if we don’t show up, we’re undermining the very purpose of it.

The Key to Choosing and Establishing Healthy Relationships: “You Train People How to Treat You”

I’ve always been fascinated by the phrase, “You train people how to treat you.” While I understand it’s base concept (people will do to you what you allow), I’ve always wished for someone to delve deeper into this topic and to really hash out the details of it with me.

Today, that’s what I’m going to do for you, after having an epiphany about the subject last night while playing with my dog. (Dogs are great examples of the base line of emotions and thought processes from which we operate, by the way… 🙂

For such complicated subject matter, it’s really quite simple.

Reward behavior that you like and don’t reward behavior that you don’t like it. 

Got it? Good.

Just kidding… I told you I would dive deeper…

  1. Reward behavior that you like. Reward it with what I call “The Three A’s”: attention, affection, and appreciation.
  2. Behavior that you don’t like, don’t reward. I.e. Don’t pay any particular attention to it. This goes for negative or positive attention. The key here is no attention at all. Just let it lie and see how the other person responds. Perhaps, they’ll bring it up on their own volition.
  3. If the behavior which you don’t like continues despite your lack of reward, then distance yourself. Remember, you’re not trying to prove to this person that you’re lovable. You already know this to be true and so do they, as they’ve clearly chosen to spend their time with you. Instead, your main goal early on is to determine whether or not this person is worthy of your heart.  I can assure you, you won’t be able to change them.

The reason this is key early on, is because everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning. And if behavior that you don’t like is happening in the beginning, it’s likely to continue later on as things progress. And don’t fool yourself, honey, you can’t change people.

So to break it down…

Observe the other person’s behavior, provide feedback (i.e. reward vs no reward), and then make your choice from a rational place (before said place becomes too muddled by emotions).

That’s it! Wham!

Keep these things in mind and surely you’ll be on your way to making wiser relationship choices in no time!

Relationship Ropes (A Poem)

How long will you let this continue?
Or is the fault on me?
Lost and wondering, hopeful pondering
‘Tis the life I lead.

I wait for you and I wait some more
to hear your howling outside my door
But silence pierces through the room
And all I have are thoughts of you.

Desperation
Anticipation
Angst and doubts
Cause separation

I feel us slipping.
What’s it I’m missing?
Weren’t we just kissing?

Where’s the knot?

While I’m holding on to it
You seem to be letting go
as we both wait to see
who breaks the rope.

Long Before We Ever Met

I’ve never known a love like this. It’s foreign to me. But I do know that I wrote songs about you long before we ever met…

Love So Good It Hurts

Have you ever known
love so close it hurts?
Aching inside
Screaming, “This works!”
Dreaming is heavenly
Waking is better
One step closer
to being together.
Earth suits ripping
at the seams
Bursting with feelings
Glowing like beams
With every glance
With every touch
With every look
With every nudge
With every smile
You’re overwhelmed
Powerful leaps
and spells abound.
I never understood
when people used to say,
“It feels so good it hurts.”
But sometimes love is that way.

10 Ways That Happy Couples Argue Differently

Every couple argues. The difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple is the way in which they argue. In fact, according to Relationship Expert John Gottman, the single strongest predictor of whether or not a relationship will succeed or fail lies in the way the couple deals with conflict (Gottman, John Mordechai, and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown, 1999 Print). Thus, in order to grow and be successful in our relationships, we must adopt healthy coping strategies for the difficulties that exist in them. Compatibility is not always key, but dealing with incompatibility is. Here I list 10 ways that happy couples argue differently.

  1. Commit to dealing with the problem. Often it can be easiest to run from conflict, especially if you’re a conflict avoidant person. But remember, this isn’t about you or whether or not you feel like dealing with the problem. It’s about what your relationship needs; so put those needs ahead of your own. Both partners must be fully committed to tackling their problems because running from conflict, won’t make it go away.
  2. Attack the problem, not the person. You have to remember that your partner is on your team. Always support one another, even when you don’t see eye to eye. Don’t take your frustrations out on the other person. Keep your focus on the problem and attack it together. When it comes to relationships and being right, always choose your relationship over being right.
  3. Practice intentional listening. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Even if you don’t understand where they are coming from, you can still respect it. Intentional listening means devoting your entire self towards the other. Turning your body towards them, looking them in the eyes, turning off the TV, and putting away your phone. These are all characteristics of intentional listening, which will ease the defensive barriers between you. It demonstrates that you actually want to hear what your partner has to say and breeds the sort of supportive environment that’s necessary for conflict resolution.
  4. Encourage honesty and transparency in communication. You can’t bite your partner’s head off for voicing their opinion and then expect them to continue to be honest with you about their feelings. Both verbally and behaviorally, encourage them to be honest and transparent with you. You do this by making them feel safe, with your words and actions. By letting them know, I will love you anyway.
  5. Get all of the facts. Nothing can be more damaging than jumping to conclusions without first getting all of the facts. Don’t waste your time or energy attacking the wrong problem. And before you go searching for a solution, make sure a problem actually exists. Check and double-check your facts.
  6. List all of the options. Approach your relationship problem just as you would one at work – objectively. Make a list of what your options are. This helps to keep emotions in check, personal bias out of the equation, and keeps your focus centered on the solution. While it might feel a bit silly, it’s never harmful to form a list of your options. It helps to clarify that the two of you are on the same page and demonstrates your commitment to finding a solution.
  7. Choose the best solution together. As you begin to decide on a solution, remember that you’re a team. Tackle this problem together; the two of you vs. it. Prioritize your relationship over being right and strategically choose a solution that benefits you both.
  8. Look for the positives. It can be easy in an argument to start focusing on the negative. Choose instead to look for positives. What can you learn from this situation? How can you grow from this conflict? In every challenge, there’s an opportunity. Find it.
  9. Let the other person save face. Even if you are right and your partner is dead wrong, you only destroy ego by causing another to lose face. You have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. After all, what matters most is not what you think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Always preserve the dignity of others. In an argument, always let the other person save face.
  10. Never withhold love. No matter how bad things get, never withhold love from your partner. Of course, you can tell them how you feel and express yourself, but make sure your love underlies it all. Love is the single most powerful change agent on the planet. So if you want to make some changes in your relationship, you’d be wise to never withhold it.

Risky Business (A Poem)

It’s risky business
Falling in love
Electrical currents
Eyes lit up

The onrush of bliss brings
an ambush of sorrow
Wondering if it will last
Praying it will tomorrow

Such complicated feelings
For such a decidedly simple thing
Love conquers all
Even the fear that it first brings

let's be honest

If you have the opportunity…

If you have the opportunity to love someone and it lifts you up, as opposed to bringing you down, take it.