Dragonfly.
He says, “I hope you’re doing better
then the day the good Lord called me up.
You’ll be alright.
I’m at peace. I’ve joined forever.
You’re gonna love it here.
I never left you.
No, you were never left behind.
See, now I’m always by your side.”
Love,
Dragonfly.
“Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness. Happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you’re lucky. Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love.” -Adela Rogers St. Johns
The opposite of joy is not sadness, it’s fear.
How long will you let this continue?
Or is the fault on me?
Lost and wondering, hopeful pondering
‘Tis the life I lead.
I wait for you and I wait some more
to hear your howling outside my door
But silence pierces through the room
And all I have are thoughts of you.
Desperation
Anticipation
Angst and doubts
Cause separation
I feel us slipping.
What’s it I’m missing?
Weren’t we just kissing?
Where’s the knot?
While I’m holding on to it
You seem to be letting go
as we both wait to see
who breaks the rope.
My dear,
I was upset because I didn’t get what I wanted- which was your love and affection. But I had no right to get mad at you for not giving me that. You have given me so much love and so much affection, so often, that I think I just got dangerously used to it, almost dependent on it, on you.
That’s a heavy load to carry and I want to apologize.
I don’t want you to feel like you’re responsible for my happiness or unhappiness. You certainly bring me a lot of happiness but you’re not the source of it and I’m sorry I was acting like that.
Love,
Me
The person you love is not the source but they’re the tool and God is going to use them to bring gifts to you. Look at people in this way and your relationships will change.
Truth is, he is the love of my life. And that will never change. But he is the love of that life. No doubt in my mind he was the soul mate for that me. But when you lose someone who is the most important part of your life, your world changes. And so do you. Inevitably and irreversibly, you’re not the same person you were. And now I understand, there’s going to be another perfect person for the new me. Another love of my new life. And that person will in no way undermine his position in my heart.
Some people only get to live one life, but I’ve been given two. Perhaps, as we each navigate this world and our relationships, we can all see it as a new life each time we cycle round and round.
Finally, I realize there is no better way to honor him and our love then by embracing my new life and finding a new person to love. I am ready.
It’s okay not to be okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Life isn’t going to be a nonstop joyride. Allow yourself to feel pain. Sit with it. It’s okay to have a broken heart or hurt feelings. It’s okay to be scared or anxious. All of this is part of life. A beautiful, tragic, and adventurous life.
You will never go where God is not and He is with you whether you are happy or not.
Tyrese Gibson wrote in a Facebook message regarding Paul Walker, “I will keep your energy with me forever.” I think this is a beautiful testament to their friendship and sums up the aftermath of a loss. When you lose someone who you thought you would always have, the great fear is that they are now gone forever. You desperately want to keep their memory alive, to hold some part of them with you for the rest of your years. Truth is, the death of a loved one doesn’t mean that they’re completely gone. They live on in the hearts of those who love them. Just as Tyrese said. The loss of a loved one runs through you like a thread. Their very being becomes stitched with your own. It is perhaps the closest you can get to a person in this life. Ah yes, grief does not change you, it reveals you.
It takes…
Sadness to appreciate happiness
Absence to appreciate presence
Darkness to appreciate light
And Noise to appreciate silence.
When you lose someone who is the most important part of your life, your world changes. And so do you. Inevitably and irreversibly, you’re not the same person that you were before the tragedy.
But this must be seen for what it is, a blessing. The silver lining in an otherwise black hole of loss. See, some people only get to live one life, but some are given two. Perhaps, as we each navigate this world and our relationships, we can all see it as a new beginning, a second chance at life, each time we cycle round and round.