Did You Marry the Wrong Person?

marriage

Did I marry the wrong person? This is a common question in today’s world. Or often, people will believe that they married the right person back then, but justify their marriage breakdown with, “He/she is just not the same person that I married…”

But did you know that the human body essentially recreates itself every 6 months? In that time frame, nearly every cell of skin, hair, and bone dies and another is directed to its former place. So, guess what?! You are physically not the same person that you were last August!

Should we be surprised then that our partner of choice changes too? Of course not.

The unity of marriage is not designed for you to have the perfect roommate. And you will always marry the wrong person, because the one you marry will always be a sinner. But alas, marriage is designed to teach you how to wash another sinner’s feet. If only you will stick around long enough to properly learn.

When you say “I do,” you are essentially committing to make the choice to love that person, today, and every 6 months for the rest of your life, even as he/she inevitably changes. In other words, “This isn’t the same person I married” is not a justifiable reason to leave. In fact, it is no reason at all.

Paul’s Last Words

epitaph

What do you want your epitaph to say? Have you ever thought about it? If not, I’d suggest that you do. The way we learn how to live our best life is by thinking from the perspective of death. What do you want said about the summation of your life? Once you decide this, it will define how you live today.

Here is what Paul wanted us to remember about his life, according to Acts Chapter 20. I think it’s a prime example of the way we ought to live in order that one day, we too, might look into the eyes of the Creator of the Universe and hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant…” (Matthew 25:21)

1. I have been faithful to do what Jesus told me to do. (v. 24)

2. I told the truth. (v. 20, 27)

3. I directed people’s attention towards Jesus and not towards me. (v. 19)

4. I finished Strong. (v. 24)

5. I gave more than I took. (v. 33, 35)

If you die tomorrow, what will your epitaph say? Think about it.

 

 

Just Know That You Are Loved – My Personal Encounter with an Angel

3145-Do_You_Know_Your_Guardian_Angel_keep_aspect_374x215

Two years ago today, on the worst day of my life, I had my first encounter with an angel, at the baggage claim of the RDU airport.

I stood alone, completely wiped out and broken, waiting for my bag to come around on the conveyor belt. There were a few other people waiting for their bags there as well, not many but a few. After about two minutes, my feet could no longer support the dead weight of my body and I sat down on a nearby bench. A young man, I’d guess my age or younger, came and sat down next to me.

“Excuse me,” he interrupted my empty, swollen stare, “Are you okay?” Hardly able to even turn to face him, I nod my head and mutter back, “Yea I’m fine.” My body language was screaming, “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!” but he persisted. “It isn’t a death, is it?”

“No,” I snap back, justifying my lie with his increasingly annoying invasiveness.

“Okay, well I just wanted to say, I was in love with this girl for many years and we were happily together. I wanted to be engaged and when I asked her to marry me, she said ‘no’ and we broke up. I know it’s not the same…” he continued, despite my lack of response cues, “…but it hurt like hell.”

I managed to look him dead in the eyes this time, “It’s not the same,” I growled, my eyes piercing into him.

Looking forward, I spotted my large, brown, leather suitcase coming around the belt. One of the only ones left. I began to stand up and head towards my bag when the guy said, “Well, here,” as he handed me a 2-dollar bill, “just know that you are loved.”

I hadn’t intended to take the 2-dollar bill but there it was in my hand as I grabbed my bag from the conveyor belt. Dropping the heavy piece of luggage to the ground, I looked up to see my mom running towards me. I gave her a huge hug, momentarily allowing myself to collapse in her arms.

But wait, I wondered aloud, “Where did that guy go?”

“What guy?” my mom replied.

“The guy who just handed me this,” I waved the 2-dollar bill for her to see.

“I didn’t see any guys around, Sweetie. I saw you standing here by yourself. That’s why I came running over.”

In bewilderment, mixed with the still heavy shock of the day’s event, I stumbled towards my mom’s car, “Hmm…” I thought to myself, “Well, that was strange.”

Two years ago today, I lost my best friend in a tragic accident. He wasn’t far from me that day and he’s still as close as ever now.

My angel, I miss you.

I’ll Always Want Him

Image

 

“I’ll always want him. Until every sun goes dark in every sky, until I am nothing more than long-forgotten cosmic dust, I will want him. And even then I suspect my particles will long for his.”

-Ann Aguirre

Maya Angelou Tribute

mayaangelou

As many of you who follow me probably know, Maya Angelou has been a great source of inspiration for me. I frequently quote her on this blog and more frequently, I write posts inspired by her words and poems.

I am deeply saddened to hear of her death. The world is surely a bit darker without her shining light. However, Dr. Angelou has graduated and I’m sure today when she met the Lord, He smiled at her and said, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Maya Angelou will never know the full extent of lives touched by her work here on Earth. She’s inspired millions who will go on to inspire millions more. A job well done, indeed.

I remember watching her on Oprah Winfrey’s network series Master Class around this same time last year. Even through the television screen, I could resonate with her calming presence. The stillness, grace, and peace that she resided in, also resided in her. Her light could not be dimmed.

I remember in that Master Class, Maya said something that I will never forget and has since changed my life. She told Oprah, “When you learn, teach. At our best, we are all teachers.” Aside from being an accomplished poet, author, civil rights activist, singer and dancer, Maya Angelou was also a professor at Wake Forest University in my hometown of North Carolina. But Maya assured others, you don’t have to be a professor to be a teacher.

The most powerful part of Maya Angelou’s testimony is that not only did she share wisdom through speaking, writing, and teaching, but she lived out her own advice. She was a walking, breathing example of her own wisdom. A rare accomplishment in this life.

Today, I have gathered some of my personal favorite quotes by Dr. Angelou in honor of a life well lived.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.”

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”

“Nothing will work unless you do.”

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

“Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.”

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

“My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”

Love is Like a Wild Flower

“Fact is,
You’re born alone and you die alone. You can’t bring anyone into this world with you as well as you can’t take anyone out of it when you go. It is your journey alone.
Yes we meet people along the way but it is only two lives running parallel, not intertwining. Enjoy these experiences but never believe you were born for someone or meant to be with one individual person you’re whole life because quite frankly, you will be sorely upset when reality comes to light.
A close friend once told me that finding someone you love is like finding a beautiful wild flower. We want to pick it and take it home with us to keep, but it soon looses it’s glow. It wilts and becomes unhealthy and eventually dies. To truly appreciate someone we love, we must allow them to flourish and grow in their environment. Visit them in their beauty but not displace them…”

A Personal Post on Love and Loss

It’s a strange thing when you start to feel better after thinking you never would. It’s even stranger when you want to love again after losing the love of your life. A part of you says, “No, you can’t! It’d be a betrayal.” But another part of you, the better part of you, screams, “Yes! Live again! Love again!”

Truth is, he is the love of my life. And that will never change. But he is the love of that life. No doubt in my mind he was the soul mate for that me. But when you lose someone who is the most important part of your life, your world changes. And so do you. Inevitably and irreversibly, you’re not the same person you were.  And now I understand, there’s going to be another perfect person for the new me. Another love of my new life.  And that person will in no way undermine his position in my heart.

Some people only get to live one life, but I’ve been given two. Perhaps, as we each navigate this world and our relationships, we can all see it as a new life each time we cycle round and round.

Finally, I realize there is no better way to honor him and our love then by embracing my new life and finding a new person to love. I am ready.

 

“Until Death Do Us Part” Wedding Vows

We take those vows, “until death do us part” but death of what? Death of intimacy? Death of connection? Death of well-being? What has to die before someone decides, “I’m out”?

divorce

A Poem on Loss

A poem on loss. For all those who have lost someone you love and wondered if you will ever get to see them again.

“I Simply Can’t Be Convinced”

 I can’t be convinced I won’t see him again.

I simply can’t be convinced.

I feel him all around me

His very breath awakens my sixth sense.

I wonder when you’re so entwined

And someone you love passes through

If a part of them stays left behind

Running like veins inside of you

Not only is he all around me,

Stitching my wounds with his personal thread

He’s watching me as I sleep soundly,

Filling my dreams and emptying my head.

I know that I can’t see him

I understand that he’s no longer here

But by God did I believe him

When he said, “I’ll see you soon, my dear.”

The last words that we spoke in person

But our souls whisper every day

I just close my eyes

See his face

Hear his voice

And

Pray.

Don’t Fear Death

Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever… you just have to live.