I think too much of our time is spent trying to dissect God, to understand Him, and too little is spent simply allowing our hearts to feel awe.
It’s ironic; we deprive our hearts of wonder and yet, we need wonder. We all know that death is coming and we need something mysterious to happen after it. We need to know that God has things figured out, even if we don’t. We need there to be Someone bigger than us who has it all under control. I think this is our greatest form of worship: wonder.
If I could sum up parenthood in one word, it would be “surrender”.
The act of surrender begins in pregnancy. It’s challenging to not try to control all the changes and outcomes. The unknown. The waiting.
It intensifies the last few weeks as we prepare for baby’s arrival. Letting go of deadlines, dates, and expectations. Surrendering to our baby and God’s perfect timing.
It peaks during birth as the contractions are relentless. Like a train coming towards us and we can’t get off the tracks. Nothing and no one can stop it.
And then the baby is here. And a new phase of surrendering begins.
Is the baby okay? Are we doing this right? Will we get to sleep tonight?
Once again, we find ourselves letting go of deadlines, dates, and expectations. Putting personal to-do lists on the back burner and holding all external commitments loosely.
Maybe this is why parenthood is so beautiful. This constant act of surrendering. This daily practice of faith. We surrender ourselves, over and over again, so we can stand back in awe at the faithfulness of our God.
It is written, “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.” John 14:16-17
Child, child, you are worried about many things. Have you forgotten my Holy Spirit, your Helper? He resides within you. He will show you how to move forward, in His perfect timing. Why get ahead of yourself with worry?
Instead, try to remain present, as each day has enough trouble of its own. I will fully equip you to handle whatever challenges you may face, as they come. So don’t waste energy concerning yourself with future matters and challenges that have not yet arrived. Like a lamp, I will light your way.
Look around you, is there anything seriously wrong? No, all of your worries exist in the future moment. That has not yet come, and may never arrive. Enjoy the beauty of now, this is what I’ve called you to do. The great adventure of life unfolds one day at a time, and I am always with you, right by your side.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh said it best, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
Too often, the cultural conversation around new motherhood focuses on “bouncing back.” When are you going to fit into your clothes again? When are you going back to work? When are you going to return to the person you were before you had the baby? And the answer is, you’re not. But the good news is, you’re not supposed to.
The term Matrescence, coined by Dana Raphael, Ph.D. (1973), remains a largely unexplored area of study that refers to this process of becoming a mother. The developmental passage where a woman transitions through pregnancy and birth, to the postnatal period and beyond. Of course, we all know that during pregnancy, a woman’s body is rapidly changing, and inside a tiny life form is taking shape to be a completely unique and individual human being. But what we often forget, is that the woman herself is also rapidly changing and taking shape. Not just in a physical sense, but in a bio-psycho-social-political and spiritual way. Yes, the mother gives birth to a child. But the child also gives birth to a mother.
I recently gave birth to my first child and I’ve spent the last twelve months researching and documenting my experience of matrescence. As I scoured the internet, I was amazed to find that not a single, descriptive, first-hand account of matrescence exists. Until now.
I’ve divided the poem into five parts, one for each of the three trimesters, one for labor and delivery, and one for what’s often referred to as, “The Missing Fourth Trimester,” or postpartum.
My hope is that women will see themselves in these words. That women who have yet to embark on the journey of motherhood, will have a roadmap of sorts, helping them to better understand what support they may need along the way. I love how the experience of pregnancy and motherhood is so unique for each individual, and yet so universal at the same time.
I can’t catch a break. // Everything falls apart without me. // I’m grateful to have a family that needs me. // It feels so good to be needed. // I have no time to get anything done. // My to do list just keeps growing. // It’s so nice to be present with my baby. // Everything else can wait. // I’ve never known a joy like this. // I’m so tired I could cry. // Her needs are so constant. // One day she won’t need me. // I hate how fast time is going. // It’s so wonderful to watch her grow. // I don’t want to miss a single moment. // All I want is a moment to myself. // I killed it today! // Today nearly killed me.
It is written, “Since we are God’s coworkers, we urge you not to let God’s kindness be wasted on you.” (2 Corinthians 6:1)
I know you by name. I knew you before you were ever formed in your mother’s womb. I will not let harm come to you.
I am your Helper, Healer, Redeemer, and Friend. I know the desires of your heart and I know your needs. Stay rooted in me and I will guide your steps forward.
Can’t you see? I am holding your hand. Rejoice in our intimacy. Rejoice in my kindness. In my grace. In its sufficiency.
Let others see me when they look at your life. This is how you honor me.
Listen when I speak. Act when I nudge. And tell others about all the miraculous things that I’m doing in your life. Then focus on staying present, so that you can fully enjoy it all.
It is written, “Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14)
My beloved, I am with you now and always. In this world, you will have troubles, but fear not! I have overcome this world.
Think of yourself like a warrior going to battle. Remember how much you loved Joan of Arc? Do you think she was without persecution? Even I, my Son Jesus Christ, God of all creation, was persecuted in and by this world. The world doesn’t like you because you’re not from this world. You can even rejoice in this, because you are not like them either.
It’s my strength, that strengthens you. My arms that comfort you. My will that is done through you. Do not let your heart grow weary! Have I not told you that these things would come to pass?
When you feel as though you’re not strong enough to endure, remember that I am. Remember all that we have been through together. Have I not proven my faithfulness? Have I not proven that my will is good? Have I not shown you that my promises are pure? That I can, and do, turn ALL things to good for those who are called according to my purpose?
It is written, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly light…” (James 1:7)
I love you. Your desire to please me, pleases me. I know your heart, your intentions, and every hair on your head. You are right to relax in my presence and enjoy the blessings that I shower upon you.
As you know, not every season is peaches and roses, but I am never far from you. You can take comfort in knowing that I am for you.
Even as a spiritual battle rages around you, I am at work within you. Indeed, I am doing a new thing!
As the Author and Finisher of your faith, you can rest assured in the plans I have for you. You’re a light in a dark world. Don’t let others dim it. My opinion of you is the only one that matters. And my precious child, I am pleased.
