Consider what metaphors we use to describe love and relationships.
We value people. We invest in relationships. People are priceless. A relationship can be bankrupt.
All economic metaphors.
I believe our problem is clear. We think of love as a commodity, using it for trade like money.
If someone is doing something for us, offering us time, gifts, social status, ect., we feel that they are valuable. With love, we withhold affirmation from those who don’t agree with us and lavishly finance those who do.
But love is not a commodity. And it doesn’t work like the economy. When you trade with love, everybody loses.
Our culture puts too much value on independence. Reality is, to be truly independent is to be alone.
Some call this strength, but often it is laziness.
As humans, we’re designed to need each other. To believe that you can go at this world alone is like setting your soul down on a couch and never allowing it to exercise.
See, if you spend enough time alone, it soon becomes very hard to be around other people. You begin to think that the world belongs to you- that all space is your space and all time is your time.
You become so used to being able to daydream and keep yourself company, that other people are merely an intrusion. And this is terribly unhealthy.
God doesn’t want us floating through life alone, or sitting in front of our computers. He doesn’t want our lives to play out like an Independence film. He wants us interacting- laughing together, praying together, challenging each other…
If loving other people is a bit of heaven, then surely isolation is a bit of hell. While we’re on Earth, we get to decide in which state we would like to live.
Don’t underestimate the value of your failed relationships. Sure, relationships can (and often do) fail. But certainly, there is no failure in relationship. Relationship itself is always a gain.
These people, even if they’re the wrong ones, are the ones teaching you the most about yourself, what you do and don’t want in a mate, and ultimately preparing you for the one to whom you are destined. For this, if for nothing else, you ought to be able to muster at least a smidgen of appreciation 😉