There is no way of knowing which of our actions will forever have things hanging on them. And so, we tread carefully.
Alas, how innocent we are of our own mistakes and how responsible we are for them, also.
Tag Archives: personal
Quarter Life Crisis (A Poem)
I am all over the place.
Of everything I want a taste
Both physically and mentally
Dipping toes, intentionally
Maybe this… Could that be better?
Taking flight to chase the weather.
I fly right through,
both high
and low.
People say I’m interesting.
It’s true, I have seen many things.
The more I see
the less
I know.
I run around both day and night.
“So productive!” They’d be right.
The more I do,
the less
I show.
I’ve had nothing come from this
but conquered goals and to do lists.
Checking off the fears I’ve faced,
I am all over the place.
Conversation with God – Isaiah 55:8-9
It is written, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) My lamb, it pleases me to see you needy for me. I know that this world can be hard on you but fear not! I am your God and I love you.
It is a great place to be; in dependence, desperately surrendering to me. For in your weakness, my power is made known. My power is able to work through the cracks in your life that you perceive as trials. I can assure you, child, trials are not what you presume them to be.
Continue to abide in me, little one, so that I may direct your path. So that my power may shine through your life, both in times of trial and times of joy.
When Life Lessons Come Full Circle: A Personal Story
I’m an over achiever and a go getter. There’s a frantic, nitpicky air coursing through most of what I do. When I lived in Los Angeles, I shared an apartment with a wonderful free spirit. We contrasted well with her calming, almost floating presence.
I’ll never forget when she turned to me one day and asked, in her innocent, purely curiosity driven way, “What are you going to do when you’ve done it all?”
At the time, her question bounced right off me. Back then, fresh out of college, the only beatings I endured were from myself and generally, I saw no limits to what I could achieve.
Ironically (though probably not), she was the very person with me 2.5 years ago, when my world came crashing down around me. And although we no longer live together in Los Angeles, her question has haunted me throughout the years.
Today, 29 months and numerous universe inflicted battle wounds later, her words ring more powerful than ever.
While I’m still an over achiever and go getter, I now understand and appreciate the gifts of grace and presence, agents of change that my former LA roommate wisely knew all along.
Conversation with God – Prayer
My loved one, why do you have such little faith? I have been anxiously waiting for a time to speak with you. I try everyday but you busy yourself so as not to hear. My child, rest in me. Cast your burdens on to me. I care for you. Do not let this world distract you with its concerns. Keep your eyes on me. I have great plans for you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Will you listen to me as I reveal them to you? I am not done with you yet, my child. No, we are just getting starting. You are growing stronger, in heart and character, every time you lean on me for strength. I am all you need. A pillar of strength.
I’d like to give you all that you ask of, if you are willing to accept my gifts. I don’t always answer your prayers as you think I will, and certainly not always on your time. But fear not, little one. I am your Father and am with you always. When you write, child, I speak through you loud and clear. Don’t you see what a gift this is? I will use your gifts to do miraculous things. Don’t give up on me, for I will never give up on you. When your will and my will align, beloved, I promise you will have all that you want and more. Stay with me. I love you.
Conversation With God – Matthew 11:28
It is written, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Why are you weary, little one? I am here, always here, crying out to you in a gentle whisper like the wind. I know every hair on your head and when it will fall. I knew you before you were born and I loved you – then, now, and always. Can you grasp my love for you?
Not yet, but you can fixate on it. Fill yourself with it. Like a car refueled, you will be more alive, more ready and able to do what I have called you to do. We are on this journey together, so why do you try to go at it alone? It hurts me to see you carrying such heavy loads, bring them to me for my burden is light.
Fill up on my love so that you will stop trying to fill up on worldly things, things that don’t satisfy you, that don’t please me, and that don’t help us. You want to live, child? You must first die; to yourself and to your desires. You know this and yet forget that in order to live each day, you must die again each day. I give you enough to get through one day alone. And so we take this journey together one day at a time. Living fully each day by dying fully each day.
I love to see you in the morning, precious one. It allows me to guide your day and you to live in awareness and communion with me. Often, you are like the workers who rush off to their fields to pick the crops that are growing in their own home. Yes, child, have your fill in the morning, so that I can show you what you need each day and lead you through it.
I wait for you to follow, lamb. And when you wander, I go searching for you. I am your Shepherd and I will never leave you. I love you.
When things are going good, we worry that any second they could go bad.
Yet when things are going bad, we forget that at any second they could become good.
An Apology Letter
My dear,
I was upset because I didn’t get what I wanted- which was your love and affection. But I had no right to get mad at you for not giving me that. You have given me so much love and so much affection, so often, that I think I just got dangerously used to it, almost dependent on it, on you.
That’s a heavy load to carry and I want to apologize.
I don’t want you to feel like you’re responsible for my happiness or unhappiness. You certainly bring me a lot of happiness but you’re not the source of it and I’m sorry I was acting like that.
Love,
Me
The person you love is not the source but they’re the tool and God is going to use them to bring gifts to you. Look at people in this way and your relationships will change.
God Doesn’t Have to Make Sense
I think a lot of people aren’t Christians because they’re looking for something rational. And they believe that all things that are true are rational. But that’s not the case. Love, for example, is true but not rational. It can’t be scientifically proven, yet all of us have felt it. Same with beauty, and light… Plenty of things are true that don’t make sense. God doesn’t have to make sense to be true. God makes no more sense to me, then I would to an ant…And yet He is the only Truth I know for certain.
An Amazing Story of Facebook and God Colliding
This past weekend, I received an amazing message from my 10th grade History teacher. I hadn’t spoken to him in almost ten years when he reached out to me on Facebook this past weekend. See his message below.
I remember years ago, being in his class and feeling called to write him a note of encouragement. I never heard from him about the note that year, so I assumed it didn’t mean much to him and frankly, as time went on, I forgot about it. Little did I know, God had plans for this note that were far greater than I could have hoped at the time.
This is an amazing testimony to why we must answer God’s calling at the moment we hear it, whether or not we can foresee any positive results. His timing is perfect!
Here was my response…
