If you knew that you were going to die tomorrow, who would you be with today and what would you do?
It’s an important question to ask every now and then to keep things in perspective. While most of us can’t control when or how we die, a lot of us can exercise some control over how we live.
And if we want to live a truly meaningful life while we have the chance, we ought to be thinking of death more often than we do.
Last night I was feeling overwhelmed with love for my dog, Buddy. I expressed this feeling to God. “I just love him so much!!” I said. He smiled, “I know you do. Your love for Buddy is a reflection of my love for you. Imagine how much more I love you! Hard to fathom, isn’t it?”
An overwhelming sense of peace washed over me, “I am in good hands.”
God continued, “Why don’t you try loving a person with the same sort of intensity that you love Buddy?”
“But, how?” I replied.
“Just try.” He answered.
“But,” I insisted, “My whole life revolves around him! How could I love people in that same way? It would take up too much energy. I would have no time.”
God replied, “Is there anything more important to spend your energy or time on?”
Wow. It hit me. We are called to love others. It is our mission. Our reason for being on Earth. And not just to love them halfheartedly either, when it’s convenient to us, for example. But to love them wholeheartedly, at all times, through all situations, no matter their actions or behaviors. This might seem like a daunting task but it’s natural when the Holy Spirit resides in you. This sort of love, relentless and all encompassing, is the kind that reflects God’s love for us. It is the kind that people most need to see. The kind that we need to be most intentional about showing.
It’s well known that love finds you when you’re not looking for it. But did you know that if you go looking for love, more than likely, you’re not ready for it? Love finds you, not the other way around.
Similarly, commitment finds you when you’re not ready for it. Truth is, you’re not ready for commitment now nor will you ever be. Do you really think that our independent, self-absorbed, 21rst century selves are ever ready to commit selflessly to another?! Of course not!
But that’s why love finds you first. And suddenly, it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re ready for commitment because commitment is no longer about you. It’s about the other. You commit not for yourself, but for the one you love.
Ever wonder why we care most about the people who care least about us? Or why do we do wrong to those who love us, while trying to get love from those who do us wrong? I explore these observations and more by referencing Sherry Argov’s book “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship”.
A reading of “The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto” by Dr. Brene Brown from her book Daring Greatly as seen on OWN.
The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto
Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and loveable.
You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.
You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.
We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.
I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.
When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.
Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.
As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.
I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.
Don’t send me money
Don’t send me flowers
‘Cause I don’t want nothin’,
If you ain’t got time.
I’d rather be
Alone for hours,
Than lonely with the one
That I call mine.
If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because when you pick it up, it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.
“Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.” – J. Isham
Vehicle of Wisdom 