Discipline is not God trying to pay you back, it’s God trying to bring you back.
It is written, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in Him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) What does it mean to abide in me? I want you to look up the word, “abide”.
Abide: “To have one’s abode; dwell; reside.”
Consider this. I am your Home. Dwell in me. In my presence, you feel me most strongly, but even when you are distracted, you can still be in your Home.
Home: “the place where one lives permanately.”
Notice, I am not your house, but your Home. I am calling you to live in Me every day, all the days of your life, and even after your death. When you invited me into you life, I became a part of you, dwelling inside of you. The old you is no longer here. I am your Home.
You are in better shape than you often think and closer to me than you often feel. We are one. I in you and you in Me. You cannot exist apart from me and you cannot bear good fruit on your own.
Take comfort in your Home. It is your place of rest, security, where you always come back to, your foundation; it is Me. Now go, live like this is true, because I have said it and it is so.
When my boyfriend died, the life I knew died along with him. Shortly thereafter, I packed up all of my belongings, everything I had acquired in California, and drove across the country to be back home again in North Carolina. Because, of course, when the world fails you, the only place you have to go is home.
Within one year, I had a monumental career change, my parents divorced, my childhood home was sold, and I was living on my own in an apartment for the first time in my life. All this change in only one year! Even writing about it now, it seems surreal. How has my life become so crazy, so chaotic? How have I been able to push through, to survive?
Well, God is good. And that is where I am now. Completely lost, approaching the second birthday that I will spend without my boyfriend and the only thing that I know for certain is God’s goodness and grace. Other than that, I feel adrift. Floating in a world that I have no control over, a world that is constantly shifting, one without ground.
I guess on the bright side, I have nothing holding me back. I have no attachments that hold me down, hold me steady. I’m free to fly like a bird, as I have always yearned to do.
This also means I have little security, no sense of stability, a feeling of total loss of control. Does a baby bird feel this way before it leaves its nest for the first time? I wonder. And how many nests will I have to leave? Is flying free really all it’s cracked up to be?
Everybody has to leave. Everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.
― Donald Miller