I Must Say…

I must say, as a blogger

…if following advice were half as easy as giving it, this world would be a much better place.

Mk. That’s all. 🙂

Why You Shouldn’t Lose Yourself in a Relationship

losing Yourself
What’s up with this idea of losing yourself in a relationship somehow being romantic?

We hear it in song lyrics, see it on television shows, and even read about it in magazines and on dating websites. For some reason, the idea is romanticized, but this really bothers me.

I mean, I understand how it happens… You get so comfortable with another person, feel so safe with them, it can be consuming. I get it.

Sometimes, even, we can become so concerned with the other person that we forget about ourselves. And as a result, we stop voicing our opinions, become excessively agreeable, and ultimately, as a person, we disappear.

But that’s not romantic. That’s lazy.

We have to keep in mind that our partner initially chose us because of who we are, what we bring to the table, and how we add to the relationship/his or her life.

The bottom line is that a relationship takes two people and if we don’t show up, we’re undermining the very purpose of it.

The Key to Choosing and Establishing Healthy Relationships: “You Train People How to Treat You”

I’ve always been fascinated by the phrase, “You train people how to treat you.” While I understand it’s base concept (people will do to you what you allow), I’ve always wished for someone to delve deeper into this topic and to really hash out the details of it with me.

Today, that’s what I’m going to do for you, after having an epiphany about the subject last night while playing with my dog. (Dogs are great examples of the base line of emotions and thought processes from which we operate, by the way… 🙂

For such complicated subject matter, it’s really quite simple.

Reward behavior that you like and don’t reward behavior that you don’t like it. 

Got it? Good.

Just kidding… I told you I would dive deeper…

  1. Reward behavior that you like. Reward it with what I call “The Three A’s”: attention, affection, and appreciation.
  2. Behavior that you don’t like, don’t reward. I.e. Don’t pay any particular attention to it. This goes for negative or positive attention. The key here is no attention at all. Just let it lie and see how the other person responds. Perhaps, they’ll bring it up on their own volition.
  3. If the behavior which you don’t like continues despite your lack of reward, then distance yourself. Remember, you’re not trying to prove to this person that you’re lovable. You already know this to be true and so do they, as they’ve clearly chosen to spend their time with you. Instead, your main goal early on is to determine whether or not this person is worthy of your heart.  I can assure you, you won’t be able to change them.

The reason this is key early on, is because everyone puts their best foot forward in the beginning. And if behavior that you don’t like is happening in the beginning, it’s likely to continue later on as things progress. And don’t fool yourself, honey, you can’t change people.

So to break it down…

Observe the other person’s behavior, provide feedback (i.e. reward vs no reward), and then make your choice from a rational place (before said place becomes too muddled by emotions).

That’s it! Wham!

Keep these things in mind and surely you’ll be on your way to making wiser relationship choices in no time!

Nurture and Grow Your Love

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” – Brene Brown

We’re Not Here to Find Love

We’re not here to “find love”. We already have it. It fills our entire being.

We’re here to use our gifts and talents to do God’s work.

And when we approach life in this way, the love within us becomes like an overflowing river.

10 Daily Challenges That Will Enhance Your Life

If you’re reading this, congratulations! You’re brave. You saw “challenges” in the headline of this post yet still you chose to read it. Perhaps, like me, you enjoy a challenge. In which case, you’ve come to the right place. Read on to discover a list I wrote specifically for you of 10 daily challenges that will surely enhance your life!

1. Try to make at least one person’s day, every day.
2. Smile.
3. Exercise.
4. Floss.
5. Carve out time for family and friends.
6. Journal.
7. Carve out time for you to be alone and quiet.
8. Make a great memory and don’t tell anyone about it.
9. Treat every encounter you have as if it is the most important thing you have going on that day.
10. Do something that scares you, or at least pushes you beyond your comfort zone.

Be sure to follow up in the comments section and let me know how these challenges are serving to enhance your life!

God Can Only Fill Empty Hands

Anything you hold in your own hands, you lose.

In order to use you, God must be the One to fill you. And God can only fill empty hands.

empty hands

Therefore when God gives you things in life, be it wealth, prosperity, material goods, relationships, ect., don’t waste it, don’t grasp it, don’t trust in it for security, and don’t expect it to satisfy you.

Place all that you love in God’s hands, so that He, and He alone, may be your security and satisfaction.

Date Wisely

Contrary to popular belief, I actually think that our generation takes dating too seriously. I mean, think about the purpose of dating. We date someone to figure out if he/she is “The One”. This is everyone’s end goal, right?

I think the problem with today’s relationships comes when we begin assuming that our partner is “The One”. This is when “love is blind” and a whole myriad of other problems come into play. Some people have developed a fear of commitment because the pressure on today’s relationships is so high. Other people will stay in relationships they don’t like just because they’ve spent such and such amount of years together. Too many people miss out on great opportunities and too many others hang on long after they should let go.

If we meet someone we’re interested in, start dating, and decide we want a relationship with that person, perhaps we shouldn’t look at it as though we’re committing to that person but rather that we’re committing to find out if that person is the one. And if weeks, months, or even years down the road, we figure out that he/she is not, we shouldn’t be ashamed to leave.

Our breakups aren’t failures, they’re stepping stones. Our exes aren’t wastes of time, they’re teachers. And every person you don’t end up with brings you that much closer to the one with whom you will.

I think if we went into relationships with this mindset, things would go a lot smoother. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not married, you’re single. And while right now, it’s not that serious, one day it might be…so date wisely 🙂

Know Your Worth

Know Your Worth.

It is your most valuable asset in business and relationships alike.

You were created by the God of the Universe!

The God who holds a billion stars steady with His hand.

You were created in His image!

He knows every hair on your head and not one of them falls without His knowledge.

Most of all, He died for you!

Know your worth.

Your Journey

“Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. There is no shortcutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.”