Tag Archives: 5 things

5 Things I learned From Losing My Best Friend

Posted on by under How To/Advice, Personal Life Reflections

beauty girl cry

Three years ago on this day, and for months after, I wanted to die. I had just lost the man I’d been in love with for four years in a tragic accident. He was also my best friend. When I say I wanted to die, it’s strange because it makes it sound as if I was suicidal. But I was never suicidal. It’s hard to describe the feeling and might be one of those things you can’t understand unless you’ve been there, but at the time, my future looked so black, I couldn’t imagine life without him. Besides, I wanted so desperately to see him and was convinced he was on the other side. I only hoped to die, so that we could be together again. It was the last sort of logic that I had left at the time.

Now here I am, three years later, and my perspective is quite the contrary. It’s hard to believe that today marks three years. Three years of pain, longing, and questions but also of healing, growth and indescribable grace. I question whether we can fully comprehend the sweetness of life without first experiencing its bitterness.

Today, as I miss my best friend like always, I realize not only was it an incredibly sweet gift to do life with him, but the lessons I’ve learned since that loss remain invaluable. Here I share with you 5 things I learned from losing my best friend.

  1. There is nothing more important in life than your relationships. As Max Lucado so tactfully puts it, “When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people. If relationships will matter most then, shouldn’t they matter most now?” We are called to love others. It is our mission. Our reason for being on Earth. And not just to love them halfheartedly either, when it’s convenient to us, for example. But to love them wholeheartedly, at all times, through all situations, no matter their actions or behaviors. This might seem like a daunting task but it’s this sort of love, relentless and all encompassing, that people most need to see. It is the kind that we need to be most intentional about giving. Develop relationships filled with love like this, and you will know what it means to live.
  2. The best things in life aren’t things. They can’t be touched, or even captured. To try is fleeting. They flutter around like butterflies, here one minute gone the next. An ever-elusive bunch. And when we grasp for them, we miss. But this is what we have hearts for. Our hearts get it. Our hearts know that the best things can’t be described with words. They must be felt. Our hearts know that the best things aren’t tangible…that these things aren’t meant to be captured or even understood; only appreciated.
  3. There are angels on earth. And they exist in your close friends and family. People are placed in your life for a reason. They’re strategically chosen and uniquely capable of holding you just how you need to be held at any given moment in time. We’re all just taking turns on this journey called life, so give love to others while you can. Before you know it, your time will come and you’ll need someone, too. It is then, that you’ll find your angels.
  4. Pain can be a good thing. The good thing about pain is that it breaks down the walls of your ego and forces you into the present – enhancing your awareness of and appreciation for all of the people in your life. When you experience deep suffering, you become comfortable with it. This allows you to empathize with others in ways you wouldn’t have been able to before. It causes you not to run from future sufferings, but to sit with them. Most importantly, it allows you to grow. The best lessons are often found when we are facing unanticipated change and loss. In those moments of vulnerability, longing, and desperation, we learn who we really are and what we are capable of. Pain is not a bad thing.
  5. Life goes on. You don’t think it will and you certainly can’t imagine it doing so, but it does. Whether you take part in it or not, life continues to go on all around you. Time waits for no one. The good news is, even if you’re deep in grief or simply feeling stuck, eventually you, too, will go on. There’s a hole inside of you from the loss and that hole never really seals back up. But that is the beautiful part. You learn to live with the gap, to embrace it. It becomes a part of you. It allows your light to shine through.

A Servant’s Heart: What Every Great Leader Knows

Posted on by under Daily Inspiration, How To/Advice

“If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.” Mark 9:35

Although written in the Bible thousands of years ago, this truth has remained for generations. And it’s still relevant today. If you want to be great, you have to be like the least and a servant to all. It’s a truth that every great leader understands. If you’re reading this, chances are you consider yourself a leader, or at least aspire to one day do great things and be successful. I imagine this is a universal desire. While many people want to lead, not quite as many know how. Today, I’m going to let you in on a secret that every great leader knows well: what constitutes a servant’s heart.

When you think of servanthood, what comes to mind? Is it the livelihood of fairly low skilled people on the bottom of the totem pole? If this is what you think, you are poorly mistaken. Servanthood is not about a position or skill at all. It’s about an attitude. Many people are in the service industry yet have poor attitudes towards servanthood. We’ve all met them: the rude UPS worker, the frustrated government agency employee, or the annoyed waitress who can’t be bothered. Just as you can sense when a worker doesn’t want to help, so can you also easily detect when someone has a servant’s heart. Here I list 5 qualities that comprise the servant’s heart and nearly guarantee great leadership.

  1. Put others ahead of themselves. This is the beginning of servanthood. It is the ability to put other people and their desires above yourself and your own. You must be willing to put your personal agenda on hold, to be inconvenienced and interrupted for the sake of serving others. It means being intentionally aware of other people’s needs, making yourself available to them, and treating them with importance.
  2. Possess the confidence to serve. How we treat others is always a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. A servant’s heart is marked by security. He who thinks himself too good to serve, is insecure at his core. Only secure leaders can give power to others. They are confident enough in their own ability to help other people achieve their own.
  3. Initiate service to others. It isn’t saying much if you serve only when asked to or when you feel compelled. Just about anyone will serve when they feel like it. A leader with a servant’s heart initiates They anticipate needs, seize the opportunity, and serve without expecting or demanding anything in return.
  4. Is not position conscious. Leaders with a servant’s heart are not focused on their position or rank. They are not trying to “get ahead”, because this would entail leaving others behind. The true servant and leader is simply one person acting to help another. There are no hidden agendas or ulterior motives behind their work.
  5. Serves out of love. Finally, servanthood is not motivated by selfish desires or marked by manipulation. It is fueled by love. Your relationships depend on the depth of your concern for the other. When you have a servant’s heart, you are driven by love and serving others becomes second nature.

Why do you want to become a leader? Is it to benefit yourself and enjoy all of the perks that leadership brings? Or are you motivated by a desire to help others? If you want to become the kind of leader that others will follow, you will need to first become a servant. If you want to become successful on the highest level, you will need to be willing to serve on the lowest. That is the best, and only, way to form truly meaningful relationships, which are, might I add, the indisputable key to success.

The quickest way to become a servant is to start serving. Begin serving with your body and eventually your heart will catch up. Mother Teresa said it best when she said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can all do small things with great love.” Overtime, these small things add up to be a big thing. Try to perform one small act of kindness each day. Better yet, make it your goal to make at least one person’s day, every day. If you want to become a great leader, you must first learn to be a great servant.

How Social Media Has Screwed Our Definition of “Cool” and 5 Things We Think Are Cool, That Really Aren’t at All

Posted on by under How To/Advice

How do you define “cool”? Webster’s Dictionary defines it as, “fashionably attractive or impressive.” But that seems rather relative, don’t you think? I mean who defines what’s fashionably attractive or impressive? And what is our culture’s obsession with wanting to be “cool”?

As if the “cool” concept wasn’t already complicated enough, now, thanks to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the like, we are watching what is “cool” unfold, transform, and solidify right before our very eyes. Everyday images on our computers and iPhones are infiltrating our minds and heavily influencing, even manipulating, our thoughts. We see pictures of celebrities rocking an eclectic haircut then we go out and get it because we think it’s cool. We see our friends rocking a particular fashion style, everybody is doing it, and so it must be cool! Without a doubt, social networking sites have screwed up our already skewed definition of “cool”. So, using these same social networking sites, I’ve set out to inform the public of 5 things we think are “cool”, that really aren’t at all.

  1. Celebrities. Now let me be clear, certainly a celebrity can be cool, but their celebrity status alone doesn’t make it so. The problem is, we tend to assume that a celebrity is “cool” when in reality we know nothing about him/her as a person. Granted, many celebrities are also trendsetters and that can be cool, but not if their taste is bad! …Or their morals… behaviors…hearts… At the end of the day, their character, just like ours, trumps all. And unless you know them personally, it’s doubtful you could know their character.

celebrity

  1. Money. Money isn’t cool! It’s a commodity, a method of trade. So why do we assume because a person has money they must be cool?! Again, it’s social media that’s throwing us off here. We see them on a yacht, travelling high seas, doing big things, and we think, “Hey! That’s cool!” Which it is. But that doesn’t mean the person doing those things is.

money

  1. Exclusivity. Exclusivity seems to be all the rage these days. Exclusive clubs, exclusive parties, exclusive events, exclusive invites. It’s absurd. I get that it’s human nature to want what you can’t have, and perhaps that explains why we think exclusive things are “cool”, but really?! Exclusive is the opposite of inclusive, and in my book- that’s not cool.

exclusive

  1. Fame. How cool does never being alone for the rest of your life sound to you? Yea…not cool at all.

famous

  1. Popularity. We assume when someone is popular that they must be cool. But what if this person has so many “friends” because they can’t be alone? That’s not cool. To go even further, what if this person is an addict or an alcoholic and that’s the reason they are always partying and out on the town? Again, Not cool.

popular

Which brings us full circle. The point is we should never assume a person is “cool” just because he/she is a celebrity, has money, goes to exclusive parties, is famous, or popular, or any other reason for that matter. Especially when we only know that person via social media (i.e. We haven’t seen them in many years, or worse, we’ve never met them at all).

Only you know what matters and what doesn’t in your character preferences. So you are the only one who can define what “cool” means to you. No one and nothing else can do that for you. In the same way, we must each individually define who is cool, through the only means possible, by getting to know the person…which you cant do on social media, might I add.

And while I’m at it, the number of “likes” you have, has nothing to do with how “cool” you are either. But that’s another article for another day.

So don’t let social media screw with your head. Remove your blinders and always remember that you are an individual, and for that, you are cool.

5 Beauty Products No Woman Should Be Without (Some of These May Surprise You)

Posted on by under How To/Advice

It has been reported that women spend nearly $426 billion on beauty products alone every year. That’s over a billion dollars a day! Imagine how much you could save with the use of a little creativity. Did you know some of the best beauty products are fairly cheap and can double in their uses? There’s no need to spend all your time scouring the isles for your makeup and hair needs, or rushing out to buy the latest and greatest marketed beauty wonder. Simply stock up on the items in this list, and begin to enjoy saving. These five beauty products are things that no woman should be without. In fact, chances are, you may already own a few of these items and you just have yet to take advantage of all of their benefits. Vaseline

1. Vaseline. Most people know that Vaseline makes for excellent chapstick. It’s one of the purest forms of moisturizer. But did you know that you can use Vaseline on your nails to prevent those painful hangnails? Or how about around your eyes before bed to avoid those pesky wrinkles? My friend’s mom is over fifty years old, with no wrinkles or fine lines on her face. She swears by her nightly Vaseline routine. Forget nail cure formulas and anti wrinkle night creams, good ole Vaseline works better than any one of those.

Witch Hazel

2. Witch Hazel. The label says use for relief of minor skin irritations, cuts, scrapes, and insect bites. But did you know it makes for an excellent toner? Use Witch Hazel as part of your daily facial skincare routine and watch its magic unfold. Witch Hazel serves as the perfect balanced toner, getting the job done of tightening your pores and removing oil, without drying out your skin. It can also be used to heal damaged skin from too much sun exposure and soothe razor burn! The best part? It’s only $3.19 for a 16oz bottle at Walmart!

tea tree oil

3. Tea Tree Oil. Tea Tree Oil is a little known beauty secret that serves in a variety of ways. It’s great for getting rid of acne, scars, and just about any other pesky skin blemish you can think of. I have even heard that this little magic oil can get rid of warts when used consistently! You can find it at your local natural health food store. Just be sure you buy the organic kind, as many brands have tried to rip it off.

Manuka Honey

4. Manuka Honey. Though it’s on the pricier side for a jar of honey, this stuff is so worth it! Spread the honey over your face and leave it on for ten minutes as a mask. When you wash it off, your face will feel younger, fresher, and healthier almost instantly. The power lies in Manuka Honey’s antibacterial agents. These same properties make Manuka Honey an effective treatment for wounds, infections, and stomach aches. This honey is also great at fighting colds and sore throats. Simply stir one spoonful of Manuka honey into your tea or hot lemon drink, and stop the cold dead in its tracks.

Apple Cider Vinegar

5. Apple Cider Vinegar. Apple Cider Vinegar is one thing that you should always have in the house. Not only does it work to shorten the duration of colds when mixed with a glass of orange juice or warm water, but you can also take shots of this solution throughout the day for an instant, natural boost of energy. The vinegar can also be used as a rinse after shampooing to dramatically increase your hair’s shine. You can rub it on your teeth and rinse to help remove stains. The uses for Apple Cider Vinegar are endless. Basically, this miracle product is effective for just about anything- your hair, skin, health. It’s certainly one thing that no home should be without.